u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
