im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
