Umm I'm too high to move.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
