I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
then he tried to convert me to islam
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
