I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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