omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
