Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
