my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
