he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
