Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
