You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
