Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Boobs are out for the taking
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
