i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
