problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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