Umm I'm too high to move.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
