Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
