My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
