I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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