i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
