so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
