nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
