i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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