the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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