I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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