I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
