I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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