I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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