Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
