Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
