You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize