i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
