Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
