I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
