; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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