His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
