I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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