ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
