i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
