If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
