you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
