farters have to be the big spoon...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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