Got a toothbrush?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
