Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
