After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
