Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
