I seem to have left my pride at pride
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize