paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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