how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
