Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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