Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
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wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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