so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
