My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
