Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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