It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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