he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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