I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
