sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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