i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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