My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
