I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
