my being single is dangerous.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
