He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
