yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
