Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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