Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
