I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
