It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
