I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
