PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
