I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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