I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
