i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
