I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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