I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
