please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
