So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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