Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
splinters make it hard to masturbate
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize