That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
