I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
