Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
