I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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