i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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