like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
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