I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
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