I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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